We all have rules we live by. Commitments and beliefs that drive our actions. Mentors and quotes that have become part of who we are. Theme songs: Queue the 1998 Ally McBeal episode with the digital baby dancing to “Hooked on a Feeling.” Anyone else remember that, or am I alone here?
Setting the stage: It’s 6am on a Sunday morning. I’m in bed, half asleep. I was just awakened by a faint cry — my daughter, Lola. I glanced at the baby monitor and hoped out loud that she’d go back to sleep… give us another hour of weekend snooze. I practiced “The Pause”, and just like that, she rolled over and was quiet again. Aha, my next blog idea! No more sleep for me.
Here are four themes that have sweetened my journey:
1. THE PAUSE. I’ll discuss this one first, since I made mention above when Lola woke me up. In fact, I learned about it in that context — caring for children — in a book I read about French parenting, Bringing Up Bebe. The author, Pamela Druckerman, describes the pause in the context of sleep training. The idea is that parents shouldn’t rush immediately to their child’s crib every time they hear a peep. Instead, let the baby attempt to self soothe first. We all wake up during the night, or at least roll over, re-situate ourselves, and sometimes moan and groan. Imagine if we had someone running into our rooms every time we rolled over!
I’ve thought about the pause and adopted it into other parts of my life, too. My larger learning is to take more time to think things through. Don’t rush; be still. Allow others to solve problems before you jump in to help. I find myself pausing more in conversation, deciding how to best articulate myself. Pausing before responding to important emails. Pausing when I’m frustrated to search instead for peace. Finding the root cause, and mindfully acting instead of reacting.
I can’t imagine there’s anyone in today’s world who wouldn’t benefit from more pause.
2. THE COUNSELOR. When most of us think of a counselor, in the professional sense, we see images of a quiet room with a chaise lounge. A relaxing patient unloading their worries, and a calm, peaceful counselor taking notes. A Counselor, by definition, is “a person trained to give guidance”. However, when you drill down into the practice of counseling, the most crucial skills of a counselor are empathy, listening skills, social and communication skills, boundary setting, critical thinking and business management. The point: You have to listen, understand and diagnose before guiding.
Our Concierge Auctions chairman, Chad Roffers, is forever preaching the importance of this to our sales and management teams. Upon initial meetings with clients, and in tough (err, “growth potential”) discussions with employees, strive to listen 90%+ of the time. Let the “patient” unload their story; their issues. Be mindful of their most impactful points. Then, take time to absorb before responding. Perhaps even schedule a follow-up meeting, a day or two later, to allow for a thoughtful diagnosis.
We can only hope others will counsel us in return.
3. GREENEING. This is one of my favorite pastimes, and at first glance, it likely doesn’t make any sense to you. It’s a made up word, so I’ll explain: My cousin’s husband coined the term last year, as it’s a family theme that’s been passed down through generations. The root, “Greene”, is my mother’s maiden name. And, since she is one of six kids, and we have 13 cousins in my generation, there are plenty of us who have made it stick.
I’m quite certain there’s another term for this in Italian.
4. “I’M OKAY, BUT…” Describing this one makes me giggle, but in practice it’s seriously serious. The reason I giggle is because of my mother’s explanation. She taught us to always start off with “I’m okay, but…” when describing a precarious/harmful situation, instead of rushing into hysterics. Examples: When calling after midnight, say, “I’m okay, but… I’m in jail.” (never happened, luckily); or, as my husband, Corbin, used recently, “I’m okay, but… I’ve been in a car accident, the driver is unconscious, and I just pulled a baby out of the back window.” Luckily, everyone ended up fine, but my heart would have raced 100X faster if he hadn’t set me at ease first.
At work, I coach our team to be mindful in the same way. Everyday tasks can be blown out of proportion if we don’t reign them in. When a mistake is made (err… “learning opportunity”) or a client is upset, don’t rush to your manager in a tizzy. Instead, take a pause and think through potential solutions. Strategize with a calm and collected head. “Everything’s okay, but… our website is down. I’ve contacted the hosting agency, and they’re working on a solution.”
I could keep going, as I have many other themes, but I’ll leave you with these to absorb for now. Try them out, and let me know what you think! I’d love to hear yours, too. Comment below, or email me at laura.brady@conciergeauctions.com.